Raising children has become increasingly difficult because of extreme peer pressure, societal compulsions, rampant bullying, and social media influence. Sadly, no school teaches parenting principles and we often naively raise kids who are exposed to myriad complex social situations. And with the busy life, we all live, often we fail to notice the subtle hints they may show, which if not nipped early, often results in teenage depression, indulgence in early age bad habits, and worst of all suicide. These unfortunate incidences are in a constant increase and we see torn families, way too many than we desire.

So, what can we do about it? While there are plethoras of parenting books and material available on the web, I will attempt to distill it into few things we should stop doing and few we should begin for nurturing a healthy relationship with your children. These are ethos I have practiced raising my two kids. If you are a parent who wants to start it right with your children at an early age or someone who has a troubled relationship with your child, hope this article will provide some help.  If followed with sincerity, I can assure you, this will lead to a path towards a healthy relationship with your children.

Things you should stop doing.

Comparing kids, how often after an exam you have asked your children who got the highest or asked the score of a kid who you consider has a rivalry with your kid. How often, when you are angry, you cite examples of how some of his peers are better than him/her. This single most parenting behavior is an absolute deterrent to a child’s growth. Depression, anxiety, animosity, all such words you emboss in your child’s mind unknowingly over a period of time. Stop doing it at once.  If you cannot live without comparing, compare with his own self. Remember, no two kids are the same and they shouldn’t be.

Pushing children to do more, you find your neighbor’s son is learning to fence, you push your child into it. You learn there is a math Olympiad where the majority of the kids are taking part, you bulldoze your kid to participate even when she/he has no interest. Be their coach, be their friend, encourage them, explore with them what excites them, and then chart a plan based on what they desire. Don’t nurture herd mentality. You may think you are doing a boatload of goodness but in reality, all you are doing is putting undue pressure on your child.

Bribing them, “If you get straight A in this trimester, I will buy you a Nintendo Switch”, we all have this habit of bartering with our children. We believe that is the only way we can get things done. While it may sometime give short-time gain, in the long term you are inducing a dangerous behavior into them, the bargaining behavior. Rather teach them the goodness of any job you want them to undertake and how it will benefit them

Asking them to stop doing things that you think you have the license to do, this one is my favorite. We drink Cola but we don’t want our kids to drink any soda. We overwatch TV but have a different charter for them. Children look up to their parents, in the early development days they imitate their parents, you are their role model, so act and do things as you want your children to be.

Following are the things you should start doing

Say more often that you love them, hug them tell them they are special. Express it in words don’t assume they know

Praise them for their hard work and tell them results doesn’t matter as long as they put their sincere efforts

Become their friend, be their friend, make them comfortable enough so that they can talk about their crush, pain, school, and everything that is going on their mind. This will only happen when you stop reacting to every episode. If you coach them on their bad deeds rather than screaming or shouting, you will certainly attain the friend status.

It is okay for them to have an opinion. If you cannot agree, don’t force but respect them

I hope this helps.

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